The Worst Teams in International Football

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England face off to San Marino tonight at Wembley, in front of what is expected to be under half the capacity of the London stadium.

But this post isn’t about Three Lions fans or whether or not national team games should be played elsewhere, read below to find out all about our opponents tonight and three other minnows of international football, who struggle to even get on the scoresheet…

San Marino

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Current World Ranking: 208th (joint lowest)

Biggest ever defeat: 13-0 vs Germany (2006)

They are still seeking their first competitive victory having only ever won one game – a 1-0 friendly against Liechtenstein in 2004 – although they do boast draws against Latvia, Lebanon and Turkey. In their defence, they have the smallest pool of talent to pick from of all the UEFA nations (32,000 population) but a Sammarinese player has won the European Cup – Massimo Bonini for Juventus in 1985. Ex-striker Davide Gualtieri famously holds the record for the fastest World Cup qualifying goal – against England in November 1993 after just eight seconds. The Three Lions went on to win 7-1, but Graham Taylor admits that the goal still haunts him to this day. Below is their expected line-up for tonight, featuring just one professional player and an accountant…

san marino lineup

Bhutan

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Current World Ranking: 208th (joint lowest)

Biggest ever defeat: 20-0 vs Kuwait (2000)

The other side ranked with San Marino at the bottom of the FIFA pile are Asian country Bhutan, whose imaginative nickname is apparently Bhutan Eleven. Their biggest win was on the morning of the 2002 World Cup final when they trounced Monsterrat 4-0 in a match labelled “The Other Final”, which was organised by Dutch filmmakers. Bhutan’s heaviest defeat was a 20-0 thrashing by Kuwait 13 years ago but they are on the up (well, there’s no way down) with a national league set up for the first time last year. They have players who do feature for club teams every week though, so that’s something eh?

Anguilla

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Current World Ranking: 207

Biggest ever defeat: 14-0 vs Guyana (1998)

One of Britain’s colonies in the Caribbean, Anguilla are coached by Colin Johnson, who has spent his life in Anguilla and used to play for the superbly named Roaring Lions. There is a distinctly London feel to the side, with the national team made up of players from the capital, among them top scorer Richard O’Connor, a former Wimbledon trainee. Their 2014 World Cup qualifying hopes were pretty much over just two games in after they lost 6-0 to the Dominican Republic over two legs. Their last victory dates back to October 2010 when they defeated Saint-Martin 2-1 in the Caribbean Championship.

Djibouti

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Current World Ranking: 205

Biggest ever defeat: 10-1 vs Uganda (2001)

Is there a better nickname for a football team than Riverains de la Mer Rouge (which literally translates as shoremen of the Red Sea)? Located in the Horn of Africa, they used to play under the name French Somaliland until gaining independence and becoming Djibouti in 1977. Under current coach Gharsalli Noureddine, they have played five matches and lost five. To be fair, his predecessors haven’t fared that much better. Their sole victory dates back to 1988 when they defeated South Yemen 4-1.

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