2014-15 Alternative Premier League Awards

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Eden Hazard, Harry Kane and Jose Mourinho have all picked up awards for their achievements during the 2014-15 season, which is all well and good, but why not remember the funnier, more unfortunate moments of the season with my alternative awards? To vote for your player, young player and manager of the campaign, click here.

Who has won worst haircut? What about quote of the season? Not forgetting worst player with a medal award. Read on to look back on the season and laugh to yourself about what a weird, yet fascinating campaign it has been. For some, the term ‘winner’ should be used very lightly…

Own Goal of the Season

Santiago Vergini vs Southampton

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Whilst Charlie Adam or Jermain Defoe are collecting their goal of the season award, there must be recognition for those who put the ball into their own net in spectacular fashion in 2014-15.

Sunderland won’t want to be reminded of when they were thrashed 8-0 by Southampton back in October, especially as they scored three own goals.

It was Santiago Vergini’s that started the rout in bizarre fashion. A Saints cross comes in, and the Argentine manages to volley the ball into his own net spectacularly from 18 yards, in what I can only assume is an attempted clearance.

Had it been at the right end, Vergini might have been collecting the goal of the season award, but his error will now form part of football blunder features for years to come.

 

Blink and You’ll Miss It Award

Sadio Mane’s Hat-Trick vs Aston Villa & Steven Gerrard’s sending off vs Manchester United

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This award has to be shared, as if you would have gone out of the room for three minutes then you’d have missed both.

First up, its Sadio Mane’s incredible hat-trick that took him just 2 minutes and 56 seconds in Southampton’s 6-1 win over Aston Villa in the penultimate game of the season.

It smashed the previous record for the fastest ever Premier League hat-trick, which was 4 minutes and 33 seconds set by Robbie Fowler in 1994.

One of Fowler’s teammates at Liverpool, was Steven Gerrard, who would have liked to have won a commendable award in his last season before jetting off to LA.

Unfortunately, he shares this award because of the time it took for him to get sent off when Liverpool faced Manchester United in March.

The Reds skipper came on as a half-time substitute at Anfield, was shown the red card just 38 seconds later by referee Martin Atkinson after following up a thunderous tackle on Juan Mata with a reckless reaction to a challenge with a clear stamp on Ander Herrera.

Why Always Me? Trophy (presented by Mario Balotelli)

Mario Balotelli

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It’s the trophy that was created in honour of Mario Balotelli and has now been awarded to the controversial striker.

Some people were saying that £16 million was a bargain when that was the fee Liverpool bought him for last summer, but they’ve been proven very wrong.

He has only made 10 Premier League starts this season, which is down to the fact that that he has only scored one league goal for the Reds.

By the end of the season, even Rickie Lambert was getting picked ahead of him, and there are rumours that Balotelli is looking for a swift Anfield exit this summer. Why always him?

Biggest Load of Bulls**t Award

John Carver

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He may have just about kept Newcastle up, but John Carver has to be one of the worst managers the Premier League has ever seen.

Not according to the Geordie himself, who declared “I still think I’m the best coach in the Premier League,”. Good joke John.

Since taking over from Alan Pardew at the turn of the year, Carver has had 20 games in charge of Newcastle, but won just three of those games, losing 13. That included a run of eight successive league defeats – a club record for Newcastle in the Premier League.

Despite his absolute joke of a quote, I find it hard to see how Carver will still be in charge at St. James’ Park come the start of next season.

Worst Haircut of the Season

Yannick Bolasie

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Back in November, Crystal Palace’s Yannick Bolasie decided that he wanted to go blonde. But on only about a quarter of his head.

The winger got the peroxide cut back in his native DR Congo, and apparently it set a sort of ‘yellow stripe’ trend over there.

It coincided with Bolasie’s best-ever form for club and country after he scored two goals as Congo beat Sierra Leone to reach the Africa Cup of Nations.

Worst Player with a Medal Award

Juan Cuadrado

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You never want to take away a Premier League medal from any player, but there are some who appear to get a medal just for turning up.

Juan Cuadrado signed for Chelsea in January for £26 million from Fiorentina but has flopped in a strong Blues squad that stormed to the league title.

He has started just three games for Jose Mourinho’s side, but has not completed 90 minutes in any of those games. It’s no surprise he has not hit the back of the net once, and is currently failing to justify his large price tag.

There are rumours he could even be leaving Stamford Bridge in the summer, but if he does, he’ll still somehow have a winners medal to take with him.

Chant of the Season

Fan serenades Christian Benteke on a train

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Back in December, one Aston Villa fan became an internet sensation when he was filmed doing his own Christian Benteke chant on the train on the way to Burnley.

Sung to the tune of ‘A lion sleeps tonight’, the supporter revealed a pretty decent voice as he belted out the chant for the Belgium forward.

The rest of the passengers seemed to enjoy the rendition, despite the fact Benteke was suspended following a red card after returning from injury.

But by the end of the season, the whole of Villa Park was chanting his name after his 13 league goals helped Tim Sherwood’s side escape relegation.

 

Quote of the Season

Nigel Pearson

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The Leicester City manager had already hit the headlines in February when he grabbed James McArthur by the throat, but in April it was the media who felt Pearson’s wrath following Chelsea’s 3-1 win at the King Power Stadium.

The 51 year old called journalist Ian Baker an “ostrich”, “stupid” and “daft” during a bizarre post-match news conference which ended in him walking out.

 

Miss of the Season        

Mario Balotelli vs QPR

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The Liverpool striker collects his second award and once again it’s thanks to his inadequacy on the pitch.

With the score at 0-0 just after the hour mark during Liverpool’s visit to QPR in November,  Adam Lallana’s shot was parried by Alex McCarthy in Rangers’s goal and the ball fell invitingly to Balotelli with an open goal in front of him.

The Italian was left with a simple tap-in, went to side-foot the ball into the net but it instead flew miles over the bar from just eight yards out.

It was a sign of things to come for Balotelli, as he went on to only score one league goal the entire season.

 

Idiot of the Season

Adam Johnson & Jake Livermore

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The final award is also shared between two players who didn’t do themselves any favours off the pitch during the 2014-15 campaign.

Firstly, we come to Adam Johnson, who was arrested on suspicion of having sexual activity with a 15-year-old girl in March. I don’t want to go into details, but the winger continued to feature for Sunderland, as he will appear in court at the start of June.

Fellow award winner Jake Livermore was suspended by the FA and his club Hull City earlier this month after testing positive for cocaine. Steve Bruce said he was “shocked and angry”.

A quick search on Google will tell you everything you need to know about both of these stories if you’ve been living under a rock for the last few months.


So there you have it. The It’s Football Not Soccer Alternative Awards for the 2014-15 Premier League season. I will be doing a proper review of the campaign in the next few days, revealing the results of your votes and announcing the Player of the Season, Young Player of the Season etc. Are there any players more deserving than those above? Let me know in the comments or contact me on Twitter: @OllyAllen1998 or @IFNSBlog.

VOTE FOR YOUR PREMIER LEAGUE TEAM OF THE SEASON:https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/LSJB2X6

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